Help with family Started by: Jessie Cait
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Hey there! So I have my breast augmentation operation scheduled for mid March and I am so excited as this is something I’ve wanted to do for years and years, I’ve always been so unhappy with the way my boobs look and just want them to be a little bigger, nothing extreme as I still want a natural look! However since telling my parents they made me cancel my initial surgery which was meant to go ahead back in October, they are so against it. I cancelled my surgery the first time around and agreed to wait until after Christmas, now that I’ve booked my new date in for March they are now saying they will cut me off completely and I won’t be welcome back home if I go ahead with this. I don’t know what to do, I really love my family and it emotionally pains me so much that they are prepared to cut me off over this, but I just know how much happier about myself I would be by going through with this surgery! I’m 24 and living with friends at the minute, never seeing my family again would be horrible, but continuing to be so unhappy about my body would also be horrible. Any help on how to deal with disapproving parents would be really appreciated! x
Hi Jessie,
Sorry to hear that it sounds so stressful! Do you mind me asking how old you are?
My dad always said he would fully disown me, so I tested the water with lip filler first when I lived there age 19 and he didn’t talk to me for a few days but after that he calmed down. 😂
Now that I live alone I just told him straight up why I wanted one (I’m 26 now) and obviously that I’m funding it myself and he couldn’t really argue it.
I think it’s hard for parents to think that their child should want to change their body/appearance because to them you’re perfect from the moment you’re born.
If you’re finding it hard to have the conversations in person maybe write a letter explaining why you feel like this is the right decision, how much research you have done and how this will make a big difference to your life. XxWow, you’re 24, not 12, this is sad. Have you asked them what their reasons are? Ultimately its your body and if your parents cut you off, just wow.
Jessie, that is so very sad. I am also 24, and know how it feels to not have the support from your nearest and dearest when it comes to something you feel so passionately about. I had to explain to my boyfriend just how much my self-confidence and as a result daily life is affected by insecurity towards my breasts. I think it’s something they can only understand should they have been through the same thing about a feature of their own. As Dee said, parents think we are perfect, but they are also from an age where if we have the ability to make ourselves better from the inside then we can go for it. I think a letter is a great idea also. I’m sure whatever happens they will come around eventually and I pray that they do not cut you off as it’s just not the right way to go about things, especially considering you are their child and funding the procedure yourself and will be in safe hands throughout. I told my parents I will be going through with it no matter what and that I have been considering it for the last 6 years (since I was 18). I mean, if you are spending that much time wanting something then it is pretty much worth it in my opinion xx
Anonymous
0pSo very sad your parents are feeling like this. Don’t know what to say as it’s a situation I’ve never been in. Didn’t want to read and run as you need support during this.
A letter sounds like a very good idea to get your point across without the conflict. I wish you all the luck.Thank you so much it is really nice to hear all your kind words! I completely understand that they still see me as their little girl but like you all say I’m 24 I’m not a child anymore and it’s my life, I’ve had so many conversations with them but they just don’t seem to understand how much I think this will change my life and make me so much happier! They instead want me to have therapy and counceling, but I don’t want to spend years of my life doing those things! They did listen when I first told them I wanted this doing and we sat down and had lots of conversations and my mum told me they’d love and support me no matter my choice, but I think they thought they’d be able to convince me not to. Now that it’s clear I want to go ahead with it they’re saying cutting me off is the only thing they have left to try – to me this feels almost like blackmail and has upset me so much. I think I will try writing them a letter as you guys suggested I really hope that helps, but ultimately I don’t think I’ll be able to go ahead with the surgery if I can’t convince them as I need their help to care for me after and I have no other way of getting to and from the hospital, which would devastate me as I’ve spent so much time saving up the money and getting so excited at the thought I could finally be happy with my body.
Their main reason is that they don’t want me to cause damage to myself if anything goes wrong which I completely understand, but they also just have such different views on things to me they are really old fashioned and I think they’ve always been disappointed that I’m not more like my sisters who aren’t into makeup and clothes etc. They have such a negative view of plastic surgery and an imagine in their head that they can’t seem to get over, they don’t understand how positive it can be and change peoples lives! Xx
Hi Jessie,
As someone who has struggled for over a decade with my self image of my boobs, I really feel for you! I do understand from a parental prospective you wish for your children to be happy in their own skin, however that’s not realistic! You’re a grown woman and you can’t let your parents control your decision making. I think writing them a letter is a brilliant idea. Also show them how much research you’ve done into this so they can see it’s an educated decision. Ultimately you need to do whatever it is that makes you happy and if that’s changing the appearance of your body it’s no one business but your own! I really hope it all works out for you x
I had the same issue when I was 22, I wanted this done and spoke to my mum and she lost her mind and talked me out of it all.
I’m 27 this year and decided to go ahead with it again, I live with my partner and there’s really nothing she can say that will change my mind this time. I do feel like family and parents struggle to accept their children want to change things about their body. For me (when I tell my mum once my surgery is booked) I’m going to say this is my decision, its my body and its my self esteem they don’t have to live feeling ugly. I’m also paying for it so she can either be supportive or know nothing at all.
You’ve got to do what is right for you, what will make you feel like you want to xxx
I’m sorry to read this and know how you feel, my parents were dead set against it too, well, any cosmetic surgery to be honest!
I just said it’s my body, my choice, I’ve just turned 30 and have 3 kids so I think I can make my own decisions 🤣 they’re really not bothered about it now I’ve gone ahead and done it!
I think you just need a heart to heart with them, families will always worry and it’s probably more the fear of something happening to you than what you’ll look like. They don’t see you how you see yourself so they need to understand your perspective and exactly how it’s going to change your life because you’ll be so much happier. The letter idea is great, although you can’t always see the tone or emotion in writing but if it’s easier, getting it down on paper is a brilliant way to say what you want without things getting heated, or jotting down ideas on what you’re going to say when you see them. I think you also need to address the idea that they’ll pretty much disown you, it seems very childish when it’s your body not theirs.
I really hope you get the support you deserve and are getting it elsewhere whilst you’re feeling so low too.
I hope everything is alright in the end for you, it’s so sad when the people who are meant to be there for us the most, aren’t!
Good luck lovely!Id screenshot what you’ve wrote on here and send it to them, my family aren’t particularly happy about me getting it done, but they support me beccause they know its something that will make me happy and build my confidence as I’ve hated my boobs for a long time..
The most important thing is that you feel comfortable in your own body and unfortunately if that means upsetting parents its what has to be done… depends whats more important to you… its your body at the end of the day… I think what your best off doing is letting down your walls down completely and letting them know why it means so much to you in a letter? show that you have done your research and that this isn’t a decision you’ve decided easily…and its really important to you that they support you through it.. they need to be aware that this is really important to you for probably not the same reasons as they assume it is… I hope you find peace with it all hun xHi Jesse,
I am so sorry to hear about your parents reaction. It’s very extreme in my opinion and I agree with the other girls, explain to them how you feel in writing. Tell them how much you love them and value their opinion but really push forward how much this means to you and how much it’ll add value to your self worth.I had my BA 4 weeks ago and my parents don’t even know! They live abroad, so the next time I see them we’ll all be at the beach and they’ll definitely notice! My husband didn’t take it very well but he got used to the idea and is ok now since I’ve had the surgery. I told a select amount of friends because some of them can be very judgmental. My best friend didn’t take it well at all and tried to talk me out of it numerous times. It’s amazing how people react when it’s to do with boobs! If your parents still don’t change their minds, do you live at home? Can you ask a friend to help at all?
DAISY
0pJust remind yourself constantly why you’re doing this. You don’t need anyone’s approval this is for you. You’re your own person, you’re a woman and you deserve to be happy. Parents may disagree with some of our choices in life but they are our choices and not theirs. Once you have the surgery I’m sure they will be supportive. You’re their daughter at the end of the day. Cosmetic surgery does sometimes carry a stigma but we all know the real reasons for doing it. Try not to think about the future (easier said than done) but focus on you even if it’s just for the next few days and remind yourself why you’re doing it and how amazing you’re going to feel in your own skin soon. Going through this is a scary ordeal at the best of times so other people’s opinions can only make that worse. Stay strong and calm when discussing it, remind them it isn’t a negotiation and you would really appreciate their support. If they insist on telling you they will cut you off it’s important to stay calm and tell them that won’t change your mind even though it makes you feel sad that would be a choice they would have to live with not yours. Again I’m sure it’s just them trying to prevent you going ahead though! Good luck x
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