Having a really bad time Absolutely hate my boobs ?

I am really really struggling at the moment following my third op. After having the left implant put back in after nearly 3 months of it being removed after complications.
Today I am one week post op and I had my strapping removed.
It looks absolutely hideous in comparison to my other breast. I appreciate there is a lot of swelling and I obviously know all the changes it has to go through but because it is so big and round it makes my other boob look really low and deflated. To be honest I think the one that has healed looks shit now and I’m really really un happy. I don’t want a big fake stuck on look and that is what the swelling does but I want them high up and perky and full and now I’m not sure I have that in the healed one. I’m just devastated I don’t have a pair of boobs. I’m absolutely at my wits end with this I feel lower than I ever have.
My self esteem is destroyed and I absolutely hate how I look.
I hate that my boobs have nothing feminine or sexy about them.
I’m devastated that the man I absolutely adore has seen my body like this. I know he loves me and I know it doesn’t matter to him and he is the most supportive and caring person I could ever ask for but I feel so gutted that this is what he sees and the state he’s seen me in. My boobs aren’t sexy at all and have no link to anything in that way between us because I can’t let them be. I am so sad about that the most.
I started off with bad asymmetry and now it’s extreme asymmetry. I’ve done 4 months of this so far and after 3 ops and still looking and feeling like shit I just have no more energy left for this. I am just at such a low point I’ve done nothing but cry today.
I’ve got to go back to work tomorrow and I’m absolutely dreading it. I want to leave my job so I’m no longer known as the girl with one boob or wonky boobs or abnormal boobs. I know everyone will ask tomorrow and their eyes always look straight to my chest when talking. It’s so degrading. I feel like a freak and I just want to hide away.
I’m sick of everyone saying I’ll get there in the end and soon in a few months etc that it will all be ok. It doesn’t change one bit what I’m going through right now and I also have no guarantee what results I’ll have or how I’ll look. I don’t even know if I could get another infection again because I’m excessively swollen and very bruised at the moment so I’ve got to go for weekly check ups at the moment until it’s looking more positive.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to achieve by ranting on here but for some reason I want to. I don’t know why I’ve attached pics but I have. This is the only outlet I feel I have.
Sorry to all of you as always I’m not trying to scare anyone or put anyone off but unfortunately I’m proof that it can go wrong and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

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Oh my god Hun I’m new to this forum so don’t know your full history just seen the last couple of posts. Reading your post then made me feel so sad for you but honestly looking st the pic it’s not as bad as I was expecting. I know it’s your body and I cannot even imagine what your going through but if it’s any concellation I don’t think they look bad at all I’m sure once your swelling has gone down you will feel so much better. Well I hope uou do hunny. I’m booked in for surgery on 19th April and it made me stop and think. You just seem to get caught up in all the excitement without realising what your actually putting your body through. Hope your feeling better soon xxx

Thank you @charlotte I appreciate your reply and kind words.

I think I’m just at the point where I’m well and truly exhausted with it all and it’s all just too much emotionally and physically. I’m completely drained. I pray that I get to a point where they look the same and I like them but after 4months in its becoming hard to see myself reaching that point. Good luck with your surgery I’ve no doubt it will all go well for you xxx

This was the other pic….
Ah won’t let me attach it

I’m so sorry to here how unhappy you are Harriet, I’ve followed your journey the whole way through.. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope you feel a little better. Can you try contacting your surgeon? Xxx

I’ve followed you since the beginning of your journey. I remember reading your posts when I was researching and so were you and thought you were on the same page as me kinda thing. You’ve always come acros so helpful and happy with such a positive outlook. I know words won’t even touch how your feeling and I don’t suppose nothing will but letting it all out is a good thing and you deserve everything you want and I hope that will be your end result. If you ever need to message anyone let of any emotion or thoughts etc you can always send me a message. I’m always on here as you can probably see so honestly just get in touch xx

Good luck with your recovery X nothing I say will change how you’re feeling at this moment but I wish you well and pray that soon you’ll have the boobs you want xx

Breaks my heart to hear how your feeling hun. Ive also followed your story and honest feel for you. Wishing you all the best you ? xxx

Reading your post has really touched me and made me feel
Sad’. I’ve read all your posts on this forum and I was incredibly pleased that you were having your op to replace your implant . … Not sure what to say to you at the moment other than don’t give up hope.,A lot of ladies on here were inspired by your strength ,determination and fighting spirit , so don’t give up , because I know things will get better for you!!!

I think they look great Harriet, I’ve seen a couple of your posts and can’t imagine what you’ve been through you’ve been so brave. I hope you have a smooth recovery with your most recent implant & im sure once it’s dropped and settled they’ll look amazing! Xxx

am really sorry to read how unhappy you are with your results hun, if it’s any consolation i think they look really good! obviously your left one will be a bit bigger with swelling but they do look fab! i really hope you recover well and start to feel a bit happier in time ❤️

Oh Harriet! My heart genuinely breaks for you. There is nothing worse than dreaming about something for so long and it never being as good as you imagined. Especially when you have went through the complications you have.

I think you boob look really natural and full. I can’t wait to see the other one when the swelling goes down.

What we your boobs like before? Do you see an improvement with the breast that didn’t have the complication?

I don’t want to tell you it will all get better and give it time because that won’t help you now. The people at your work may look at your boobs when they speak to you but they probably are doing it because they are insecure. I bet their boobs aren’t great or the guys don’t have amazing bodies either. Who cares what they think. They don’t have any right to judge your body.

I really hope you have speedy recovery and hopefully you feel better about your boobs.

Tuck into some chocolate or ice cream and watch some trashy tv and try not to think of the boobs.

All the best. Xxx

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