Not BA related but advice needed :(

BF trouble girls!
Im 27 and my partner is 32, we been together almost 4 years now. I live with my parents and he lives by himself in a house owned by his parents. I really want to move out and for us both to live together but the feeling isn’t mutual. I have a good job and could comfortably afford our own place, he however isn’t in such a well paid job and doesn’t want to make the move and take our relationship to the next level. We have had a few problems over the years and dont get to see eachother often due to work commitments so I thought living together would be a positive step as we would be going to bed and waking up together. However he isn’t ready for this and basically told me that he is too immature and doesn’t want to move out any time soon (wont give my any kind of timescale either). I’m really hurt that he doesn’t want to live with me He has zero ambition for us and it’s come to the point where I feel so insecure about our relationship! We have recently argued about this and met up earlier today. We both agreed that we really don’t want to split but that maybe we should as we want different things. I really don’t want to split up with him but we can’t go on like this. I see all my friends getting married and having kids, seems like il never get that if i stay with him. What do I follow my heart that wants to be with him or my head that says to leave??

Tricky one, I feel for you. You may love him but you need to seriously think about where you want to be in 5 years time. If you want to be settled with kids then sounds like he’s not the one for you. The fact you’ve talked about it and he can’t give you a timescale shows either he’s not as committed to the relationship as you are or he just wants the best of both worlds. Or maybe he’s happy letting mummy and daddy pay the bills cos he doesn’t want the responsibility of the grown up world. Maybe you should tell him this is make or break for you guys that you love him but you will go your own way if he can’t show more commitment. After all four years is a long time to be with someone however better to have wasted 4 years and find out now you want different things rather than waste another 4. Stay strong and I’ve always found following my head rather than my heart works better! You only live once you need to do what’s right for you…xxx

Hi hun,
It’s really hard when you love someone and they don,t want the same things as you.
The one thing that I have learnt is you need to be a little bit selfish and put yourself first. Do what you want to do.
Life is too short to be unhappy.

Thanks for the replies girls! I know I have to let him go! Need to start coming to terms with this 🙁 heartbroken x

I know what ur going through Hun I was in exactly the same situation 3 years ago, there was a 5 yr age gap between me and my ex too and he was renting off a friend and I lived at home with parents. here was me saving like a mad woman to try and get a deposit for a house and there he was spending his money on nights out and expensive clothes for his nights out then moaning he had no money to put away. Hun u need to follow ur head on this one, love will find its way back to you with someone who appreciates u more and can see a future together. x

Wat did u do SAm? Xx

All turned quite bad in the end anyway unfortunately, found out he’d been cheating on me (not that your BF would ) so obviously ends it and all the money is saved I’d bought myself a sports car!! So much happier now, no arguments, no trust issues etc. now just looking forward to meeting a new man and of course my new girls in 2 weeks 🙂 it is extremely hard when u love someone there are still days now where I think of him even after knowin what he did to me. Don’t get me wrong he knew full well what he’d done and he did all the begging in the world but I wasn’t having any of it. Only you can make ur decision an know what is best for both of u. Hope u manage to sort it all out chic. No one knows what our futures hold x x

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