Off topic, I think I'm going to split up with my fiance! :(

Sorry girls I know this isn’t what the forum is for but I really need some advice here.

I don;t know what to do. Managed to convince myself over the last few weeks that he’s been seeing someone else. I didn;t mention anything though. He goes ballistic if I go anywhere near his phone. He takes it everywhere with him. Changes his passwords on facebook and e-mails all the time. I’ve found stuff on his computer plenty of times before.

The other week he had my car while I went out for a drink, and went and picked up some girl and took her to his mums?! Shes an old friend apparently but I’ve never met her and he didn’t tell me he had plans with her until they were actually in his mothers house, so it was too late by then for me to say anything. I didn’t tell him I was pissed off about it. I thought it was quite disresectful to not even tell me where he was going and for him to take my car to pick up this girl without telling me?

He’s also making me completely skint, he has got himself into trouble with money and I’m always bailing him out. To the point where I can’t even put petrol in the car yet he still asks for £20 to take to work for fags for the week?

I really don’t know what to do I feel like he’s taking me for a right mug. Can’t talk to my friends cos he’s done so much in the past that theyve all got to the point of saying dont come to them for sympathy any more cos theyre sick of telling me.

Sorry it’s long just really needed to get it out What do you think I should do? xx

Get rid – kick the trash to the kerb where it belongs xx you dont need this in your life – theres someone out there who will treat u rite x

sounds like this could be my ex! the signs are there chick. hard i know but dump him! you deserve better. x

Hun, if you’re worrying all the time is it worth it? Borrowing your car to pick up another girl that you know nothing about and taking her to his mums is so out of order I would have been fuming.

It sounds a lot like my relationship used to be and I ended up telling him I wasn’t going to be his personal bank anymore and he needed to sort himself out and be a better bf and so far so good (hopefully will stay that way lol) but you’ve got to think, are you willing to keep putting up with all this? The phone thing sounds dodgy to me, if he’s not comfortable leaving his phone around you then you have to ask yourself why, nless you’ve gone through it in the past and he knows about it then maybe he just doesn’t wanna leave it around you but if you’ve never gone through it then there is no reason for this chick… xx

You deserve better chick, get him to f***! I would not put up with that and neither should you

Aw Holly! Doesn’t sound good! I have been with my husband for the last 7 years and am soooo happy but prior to that I was in a 6+ year relationship and I don’t know why, but sometimes we try our best to hang on to a relationship even when we know it’s not right.

I have seen so many of my friends even settle down and marry that ‘person’ that they know isn’t quite right but feel they should keep trying.

If I had carried on messing around in my last crappy relationship I would never have met my amazing husband – think of it that way. Even if he’s not cheating, he’s not being fair and giving you the love and fespect you deserve. Whilst you’re wasting your time on the wrong one the right one could be passing you by…….

Don’t worry chick the forums great for this sort of stuff! I was on here a few months ago upset about my boyfriend any everyone was really helpful n lovely!

I think before making a decision you need to talk to him about it, let it all off your chest. Surely he’d be feeling the same in your shoes?!

I found loads of stuff on his Facebook I really didn’t want to see n it broke me, you can’t keep it quiet tho you’ve got to confront him on it all

Men are awful pigs for doing this shit bit I guarantee you’ve got all us girls to support you xx

Thanks girls. He wants to try realtionship counselling but I don’t know if there’s any point? We’ve been together 2 years. Living together for a year. I love him more than anything but I don;t know how much more sh*t I can take?! x

im in sort of the same boat hun, too long of a story to write but basically have been walked all over (cheated on etc) when ive been nothing but good to him and give him the world, i do moan yes and when he wouldnt let me by his phone it was for a very good reason, he’d been speaking to his ex and planning to get back with her leaving me with our 3 week old baby, he’d also slept with her when i was pregnant, theres so much more but i cant talk to anyone either because there sick of it. you need to do whats right for you, sounds like he is up to something though, my bf has seen the light im hoping and has said he only wants me and i am seeing changes. so who knows, we’ll see but yea have a good think about what you wanna do, its hard actually doing the break up part but it might be for the best. xx

Thanks all.. Nice to get some proper advice rather than people just saying “I told you so”

I found stuff on his facebook before. I’ve found dirty e-mails and convos on skype. He’s had his ex at our house and gone out with her and her sisters while I was away for the weekend. And everytime I’ve taken him back listening to the “i’ll change” crap!

I had to work New years eve because we were desperate for the money thanks to him, and he decided last min that he was going on the piss with mates and not coming with me. 2 years and both times he’s decided not to spend new year with me.

I told him about it all last night. I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. I was looking in his emails the other day (not secretively) for a sky bill, and he snatched the laptop from me?! Surely if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t care.

Then I found reciept in there from some sex site. He reackons someones been using his card cos he went on the site and switched it off when he realised what it was.

I’m at the end of my wits, if I leave him, I leave my home and everything that comes along with it. It’s just so hard to actually finish it xx

awww babe, you deserve so much better than that! Of course it’s going to be hard to walk away but you’re going to have new babylons and new confidence and can finally find someone who actually deserves you! When I broke up with my bf (who I’m now back together with!) we split for 7 months and I had to see him every day at work and it was torture but you can make a clean break.

Obviously leaving your home is going to be awful but would you rather stay there with someone who I’m really sorry but by the sounds of it has no respect for you and still thinks he’s single? Don’t put up with it babe xx

it is really hard, i found chat history on my bf’s email that he had with his ex when i was at my mates, it was rude talk but also talk about me etc, its hard to forget those sort of things, they have kids together so will always be in contact but there not speaking at the moment and have agreed to arrange stuff about the kids through me to ease my mind but it doesnt really, i think his cheated more than once and done much more, he’s just good at hiding stuff. he hasnt really got anywhere else to go so i do wonder if he’s just staying with me for that reason but if you havent got any ties like children hun it will be a bit easier. i understand though because when you love someone that much you know there doing wrong by you but its clouded slightly, like you dont want to believe it because you dont want the relationship to end. its like starting a new life all over again.

have you told him exactly whats upsetting you and is he willing to do something about that? xx

Aw it’s horrible isn’t it. We put up with so much from them sometimes but everyone gets to the point where it has to stop. I’ve told him all this. And after every Feck up he makes we sit and talk. But like you said its hard to forget those sorts of things. They always play on your mind.

Hollybol I think youre right he still thinks he’s single but can come home to me to cook for him and pay for him. Wouldnt think he was a Lance corporal in the british army would you!!

He always say’s he’ll change and he’ll stop doing this that and the other, and for a while he does, then always starts slipping back.

Thanks girls honestly can’t tell you how much this helps xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey hunni this sounds awful

if I was you I would get rid cuz he does sound dodgy with not leaving his phone around and changing passwords and stuff, you will find yourself a better man and then he will realise where he screwed up! and no taking him back! haha

xxxxxxx

yea my bf even said he was still acting like he was single, he’s always been immature and i think the whole moving in and having a newborn to contend with was just too much as well as my other 3 children, and the ex come along and was promising the world to him and this happy life and he was a fool and went to take it, didnt in the end but the damage is already done.

just be straight with him, say you either wanna be with me or you wanna live the single life in which case you can be single, im not a horrible person but when i showed my nasty side i think it shocked him and he realised what he wanted. these men need to be kicked into touch every now and again lol. good luck hun and not long to you get new boobies even tho i think they look great as they are now, jammy devil haha. xx

That must have been awful having to go through that with him when you had just had a baby hun They dont realise that sometimes we may forgive but we never forget.

Lol! I have been looking at them thinking hmm do I really need to spend all this money, they’re not actually that bad? But hell yeah I’m getting new boobies and not changing my mind now haha xx

lol they are good boobs but you’ll have even bigger and better ones which im sure will be worth every penny

yea thats the thing we will never forget, its hard. but hopefully it works out well for you either way hun and you know where i am if you ever need a chat or just a moan about men, im more than happy to lend an ear and moan with you lol. xxx

Haha, thank you pinkykim!! xxxxx Always good to have a good moan ain’t it lol! xxxxx

Hi Holly

Don’t know if you wanted to go to the cost or the extreme of doing this but I had too for my own sanity and it also confirmed my suspicions

I hired a survillence guy from http://www.121protection.com who followed him on a night out with the lads in Cardiff and took photos of him

It cost me a few quid but the results paid for themselves and am now happy with my current fiance and left my waster of an ex behind

Good luck, dont let him walk over you

Ooh thanks Bikerbex! Don’t think I’m at that stage yet but it may come in handy!! xxxx

Just want to say thank you to all for your advice, really helped me. I know only a few hours have gone but I’ve done a lot of thinking today and I don;t think I could have even kept myself sane today without you lot so thank you! All that’s left now is for me to deal with the I told you so’s xxx

Babe you can do better your a stunning girl!! I had a ex that kept cheating on me n I finished that n found my fiance everything happens for a reason! Just always remember that … I’m here if u want to talk just like the rest babe! Can’t u kick him out of the house ?? As you pay for everything ?? Xxx

I could. But I can’t afford to keep paying for it all myself. He’s not here mon to fri anyway. I don’t understand how he spends all his money when he’s only home on weekends. Baffles me it really does. He won’t even give me an explanation for the things he’s done. I mean that little to him that he can’t even tell me why he’s done these things. xxx

Holly…sorry your going through this, I am in a similar situation, I have been with my bf 5 yrs this July and think the world of him but he hides his phone which has a password on I have asked him several times to remove to which he says he will and then a day later it’s back on and even when it was off if he left the room the phone went with him! I feel let down all the time I try and not think he is doing anything behind my back as I am with him a lot but he must be in contact with people if he can’t leave his phone in the same room as me, I am not one to look through things but I found messages a while back which stays with me so sometimes I feel the need to look! He says time and time again he wants me forever and am the best girlfriend but I think sometimes he is scared to lose me for what I do but at the same time he would like a bit of fun! aaahh men take us on a rollercoaster ride for sure!

Have you tried sitting down with him and talking?xx

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve say and talked to him hun. It’s only a matter of weeks now between each argument And it’s always about money or girls on Facebook or pictures I’ve found on his computer or emails I’ve found or conversations on Skype or his phone. The Los is never ending. I know I shouldn’t be with him. Have known for ages. Even before we got engaged. But I just couldn’t let him go. Now I think if I don’t this relationship is going to ruin my life.

Be strong hun. I go through everything now and he knows it. He has given me plenty of reason to. He hasn’t got a say in the matter anymore cos he’s been so much of a fuckwit he has to earn his trust back and he knows it. But every time things get better and I stop checking up on him and start trusting him again, there’s something else and the cycle continues.

Have you talked to him about it hun? Tell him how the serecy makes you feel and it has to stop. Don’t let yourself get as far in as I have babe and don’t let him get away with as much as I have. It’s not nice and it hrts like hell. xxx

Yeah hun I have told him how I feel but he denies he does anything behind my back I don’t think he would cheat on me and I am with him a lot and when am not he phones me or vice vercer but I have seen messages and I know he will continue to do it I htink he just likes lfirting to be honest!

He told the on Tuesday the password was off so I will see tonight when I see him!

I really feel sorry for you but as some of the other girls have said don’t let it carry on and move on from him, it’s hard and I know what you mean I wish I could leave my bf but after 4 and a half years weve been through a lot and I think I haven’t got the energy and strength to find someone else I thought I found the right person but obv not!

Hope things go your way hunny us women don’t need this especially after me just having my boobies done aaahh men!xxx

Yeah, just gona concentrate on me and my boobies now. 9days away only problem is I now have to find someone to come to the hospital with me. I don’t want to do it on my own xx

Yeah just concentrate on you niow babe you are no1 priority

I would kick him out cuz u dont deserve to be treated like that and if he is innocent he wouldnt keep locking his phone and taking it with him everywhere, and tbf babe if he has done it before Im not saying every bloke is like it but I had an ex that cheated on me 1ce adn I forgavce him cuz he did all teh “i love you” im sorry crap and I think because I forgave him once he thought I would again. Which I didnt! he cheated on me a few weeks later eurggh!!and that was it I kicked him out!

I am single atm but am so much happier than I was worrying about what he was doing all the time

U are worth so much more hunni and you need to know that

xxx

Thanks babe xxx am out now celebrating singleness lol. Getting the usual I’ve changed and I’m telling the truth texts from him xxx

Eurgh, run for the hills! Sorry hun, but I can’t believe you’re engaged to him. Get rid, get rid, get rid. x

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