Off topic! I'm at my wits end;-( think marriage over!

Things came to a head on Christmas day as my selfish husband ruined Christmas for my four little girls. They are not his kids he has no discipline over his temper in front of them. He has also portrayed himself as the patient long suffering one out of us both to his kids snd family and because when they visit( in the constant family gatherings he insists on) they see me zone out or stressed cos I am so fed up of how he treats me – they see ME as the awkward difficult one as he puts on his charming gentlemanly act. I’m his third wife and he has six kids and elderly parents I have four little girls and I moved countries to be with him. I accommodate his millions of dependants when they come but I get tired of how he treats me and I find it so hard to be the bubbly host he requires/ expects. Can anyone help me? I’m quite shy and a people pleaser but I’m beside myself with all of this. We can’t talk without arguing. He hurts me so much with his sharp tongue. I always watch what I say cos words can’t be taken back

He sounds like an emotionally manipulative man, and they are the worst kind. It’s easy for me to say this, I know, but I think you know in your heart of hearts that this marriage is over, and so it should be if it puts an end to your suffering. The fact that you’re his 3rd wife speaks volumes- say no more. You deserve far better, as do your children. Be a good role model to your daughters and leave him, or else what hope will they have? x

Well i have a partner who i have been with for 8 years, we have a 5 year old son together who to be honest he has no interest in whatsoever (even tho it was him that wanted a baby) He always ruins special occasions such as christmas,birthdays because he is bad tempered and always wants his own way.For a 35 year old man he is quite immature in his bahaviour.I am in the same position ,we cannot talk without him flying off the handle.Lk is right put an end to the suffering its not fair on you or your girls.I wish i could take my own advice and leave mine,,but its hard when you have children.

Just thought I’d mention that with these kind of people (who fly of the handle easily), it might be easier to say what you want to say by writing him a letter. It just means that you get to say exactly what you want to him – and really think about putting the right word down – and give it to him when he will be by himself and have time to reflect on your words and think about it.

Also (he may not like the idea) but it may be good if he could write back to, because it will give him time to think of the right words…though be careful if he’s manipulative!

Anyway just a thought. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time xx

Anchovie bethany had a good idea about writing it down. I like you were in an awful relationship for 10 years, 3 children woke up one day and thought can’t do this anymore he was violent and a bully. On him leaving I started to grow a bit more as I met him when I was 18. It wasn’t easy bringing up 3 children but I did it well daughter is finishing her degree this year. You need to think what’s best for you and your children and your the only one that can decide can you not take time out with your children cos sometimes a break can work wonders hope it all works out for you babe x x x

I’ve seen sooo many relationships break up on here including marriages and with kids, but no one has ever regretted their decision which is something I applaud to these women, do what you feel is right honey, don’t be a doormat. Have you given him an ultimatum? Does he know how seriously unhappy he makes you feel? I sometimes wish we were able to record someone and play back to them what they have been like and see if they still feel they were not out of order

I left my husband after 9 years of marriage 18 month ago because I got fed-up being treated like sh***. I waited long enough enough & gave him numerous chances to change but he didnt… I believe its in heir blood and that angree, nasty & manipulative person will always stay the same..

Im now on my own with 2 small kids & Im doing fine.. My only regret is not leaving him sooner & suffering all those years..

From what I can gather from your post you will be better off on your own.. Lots of hugs & good-luck with whatever you decide to do! xx

Thanks everyone. I can’t believe how kind you are. I’m so grateful to this forum. Some of the wisest and best advice I’ve ever had xx

Thanks for the personal messages too. This has lifted me sp much. I feel so weak and drained.

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