On a downer after being told im selfish having my BA!

well iv been so excited waiting for my BA day and thought every 1 was ok with me, iv had a few friends saying dont go too big, or what size will you be? oh dont you think thats too big? ect but thought me parents were being supportive till this after, my dad put me on a right downer! saying im selfish for having a BA when my son has learning probs and i could have spent it on extra private lessons. Now i feel like a bad mum. I’ve been waiting 18years for this, i took my kids to lapland for his birf just befor xmas, they get holidays every year i do as much as i can but he said all thats for me the kids arnt bothered! Sorry to have a rant!

my parents arent even talking to me at the moment i told them about a week ago and they havent spoken to me since.. they cried and said that i am sefish putting them through this.. i said well i think ur selfish putting ur own happyness in front of mine. no one knows the real reasons and the mental reasons ur having the op apart from urself and i hate people that judge ! …u have one shot at ur life and if there is something u can do to make it a happier life then do it !!!! xxx

aww hun, sometimes we all have to be selfish and do stuff for us, as it doesnt happen often. i cant sympathise with your son, but im sure he would love a more confident mummy, because seeing that effects him as well, and you will see a positive reaction out of it as well. your dad is just worried, as all dads are, when was the last time you didnt worry about your kids?!

i havent told hardly anyone about mine, and im 11 days post op, i dont speak to much of my family, and i know they will all stick their noses in when they find out and say things, but the new confidence in me has just much to say back (a good few years worth)

just remember we ALL need a treat, and we ALL deserve to feel like a woman! just sit down with your dad and explain why you are doing this, and point out how unfair he is being, and how much you love your kids, but after years of running round for them, you need something is a reward (and why shouldnt you, because children are difficult at the best of times, never mind if they have any health or mental issues)

good luck hun xx

That’s awful hun, I’m obviously not aware of the extent of your Son’s problems but as his Mum I am sure you are doing all you can for him and once you have your new boobies you will be happier and your Son will enjoy having a happier Mummy. I felt selfish before having my BA that perhaps I could have spent the money on my Son but then I thought well he is 18 mths old, he has everything he needs, he is happy and once my boobs are healed (in 2 weeks time) I will feel far more confident in a bikini and will enjoy taking him swimming again! Chin up hun and don’t feel you have to justify your actions, its tough being a Mum and you deserve treats yourself as well xxxx

Some people just don’t understand just what this means to us hun………..doesn’t sound like you are a bad mum to me and by the sounds of it your children don’t go without. Having a child with learnng difficulties can’t be easy so why shouldn’t you have a treat all to yourself. Chin up hun and don’t feel guilty xx

I don’t think it is selfish at all sounds like you do loads for your kids. You deserve to have something for yourself. I’m a mum as well so I know how that can make you feel guilty it would me. But honestly why shouldn’t you do something to make you feel better nothing wrong with and it doesnt make you a bad mum. xx

Hun my son is 7 and has autism! Everyone’s reactions has been how are you going to cope, you could have spent it on him etc but my reply is I give him everything he needs every single day and now I’m finally giving myself something after 7 hard years with no help from family! Don’t we deserve some kind of happiness for our selves? Ignore borrow minded people and concentrate in you and your child xx

Im sure as a mum of a child with learning difficulties u give even more of urself to your child physically and mentally than most mums have to…so who is any1 to tell u your not due a bit of happiness just for YOU! did ur mum and dad have a child with the same problems?? if not then they are in no position to judge, being a grandparent is a different kettle of fish to being a mum, i think ur dad should be ashamed of himself for putting that pressure and guilt on you, im sure u more than deserve this op, and by doing it wont make u a bad mum!! xxxx

Thanks girls,

I am just so anoyed with him, as other week when i sat having a talk they seamed ok my dad even had a joke and put 2 balloons up his top teasing me with my son we all had a laugh, iv been totally open with them because i want them to know why mums not very well and going in hosp, also since i was 14 all my friends started to “sprout” it took pregnancy for me to get some! Im 33 and have always wanted this its not like a split desition. My partner took some coming round but i think he was scared of the confidence i will gain, but hes reasured now. Every thing seamed perfect then bang this today xx

When i was growing up i spent weekend after weekend listening to my parents argue, if my mum dint iron properly silly things ect.

But no xxweeclairebearxx we were fine so your right they dont know half of it, also he’s over weight so the doc’s have sent him on this 12 course to help with food knowledge and the importance of being active its something that only me and my son go to. It is fun and im learing things i dint know about him!

I coukd of said a lot of tings to my dad today but i just walked out! xx

i hate how just coz someone is doing something to improve their happiness, confidence & self esteem, thats somehow seen as selfish!? dont let it get 2 u hun im sure ur an amazin mother

people just dont understand x

thanks huni it means a lot. i dint want to hate my boobs cos of people making me feel guilty! xx

Hun all us mums on here can all say with out even knowing u that u r not selfish!! AT ALL!, being a parent is the hardest job in the world, its a full time job, 24hours a day we are in parent mode. And every mum needs to feel special, sexy, full of confidence and thats all u are doing for urself ur gettin what every woman deserves HAPPINESS!, nothing selfish about that hunni xxx good luck 2 u x

Thanks Gem307 I giggled to my self when you said sexy! because i most defo dont but hopefully i will. after 18 years i feel like im getting something that will make me feel compleat! not that my kids dont compleat me but this is for me. Roll on friday xx

Don’t let anyone put you down you are having your BA to make you more confident in who you are, any mum still neds to feel comfortable in there own skin so chin up and enjoy the xperience and your new you xx

when i told someone that i was getting a ba they said i couldnt justify spending 4 grand on some boobs when i could spend it on my kids, i thought hang on a minute, my kids get everything, yea so i could use that money to take them away but they wouldnt appriciate it more than i will and i deserve a treat, i do feel bad in a way but i keep telling myself i deserve it and whos cares what anyone else thinks. with most people its just jealousy. my family just laughed when i told them and said if it makes you happy then carry on, my mom always wanted one so i know she would be happy for me to. dont let it get to you hun, they’ll get over it xx

hold on girls, if you want a ba or any other form of cosmetic surgery to either put something right to gain confidence or just to improve yourself then you do it your prob find that anyone with a negitive view of it is either greened eyed monster or having got the balls to do it themselves so dont any of you lovely girls feel bad for what you want or have done! I have 2 girls 20 months and 4 and I have put them first everytime but its about time I have something for myself my kids have a very large house own room playroom and everything they want the way I see it having my ba is going to make me a better mum, Im going to be able to have the confidence to take them swimming and do normal things that my body has held me back from soooooooooo hold your head up high ladies and anyone who is negitive tel em to jog the fuck on !!!!!

I don’t think you are selfish hun. The more I tell people about wanting a BA, the more I realise that there are some people that will never understand. My mum makes comments about it and I will be staying with her afterwards because she lives near the hospital and I will need the help. But I know if I’m in any discomfort at all she will have no sympathy for me cos I did it to myself. I’ve heard ppl say they are a bit down afterwards and I don’t want her to make it worse. We all need to tell ourselves not to listen to them. They should be happy for us. We have all thought about it long and hard and we are doing the right thing. you sound like a great Mum so don’t be down, just be excited!! Xxx

Thanks girls and heather25feb12 you made me laugh i feel like telling a few people to jog the fuck on cos even my best friend is not happy for me! she’d known how much iv wanted this and how long for but she had the day off on my consultation and i asked if she wanted to come, she said she couldnt she was going away, i saw her hubbie at the shops on the way back from my consultation i said thought you were going away? he said not till 2pm check in’s 3! iv droped alsorts for her took days off work to help her wedding planning and this is sooo important to me but no support! well stuff them. xxx

Mayflame, I think most people have already said it….but GOOD 4 U…Go 4 IT!!!! I am the other way – I can’t tell my mum because she just will never understand. She will call me selfish too….and says people who have plastic surgery are disturbed and have issues with self esteem that will never be solved with a BA/rhino. I’m still going to do it though….and I will tell her…soon. My son is 5 and is autistic………it has nothing to do with him or his condition whether I want a BA or not. Would your dad say it if he was ‘normal’? All mums do the hardest job in the world – no pay and usually no thanks…but with the greatest satisfaction. Your lad will want you to be happy……do something for you, you deserve it. Good luck hun. It actually takes a lot of bravery and balls to do it….I’ve been waiting for years! x

Thanks no0108, hope things go well with your mum when you do tell her. Iv done some reasearch this after and as it seams you can ask social services for the extra tuition and they will fund it, but to be honest i think that will stress him out he had 1-1 help at school, taken out his class for it and we do an hour at home most nights and he gets fed up he just wants to go out or play on x box or chill! a 7 hour day 5 days a week is a lot for kids. So either way me paying or asking for help wont make a happy boy! i want him happy and he’s doing ok where he is ;)and like you say thats my satisfaction. Im same as you waited 18years for this, i was going to have it done 3 years ago but had the same convo with them and didnt. Im so glad for this forum i woould have probably talked myself out of it again! but its payed for and im doing it On a plus the kids r excited too, they said “you will be like a real ladie mum” lol YES I WILL xx

mayflame this is something for you,you devote your life to your son,and the love,and support that you give him on a daily basis is priceless,never feel guilty for wanting something that will make you happy,life is too short,you deserve to feel happy and confident too,everyone here will support you.Good luck honey.xxx

Thanks tina, the girls have been a great help I feel better today, although I’m not going rond to my dads just yet still anoyed with him. X x

[Author]

Posts