Partners!

Hi all, I just wanted some opinions and advice…when I told my boyfriend about a month ago that I’d finally decided to have a BA he said that he would be ok about it as long as I go to a councellor to speakto them and figure out “why I feel the need to do it” and he says that he’s worried that I won’t ever be happy. So I’ve booked in to see a councellor in may and am planning to have my BA in July/august…

So last night I told him that I’m going to tell my mom soon and he proper flipped put at me saying that he thought I wasn’t going to make any decisions until I’ve gone to the councillor and realised why I want one…which could take years!! Lol. So now wer not talking because I’m annoyed that I’m having to do all this yet he’s still furious at me for even mentioning it!

Sorry for the rant ladies, just have rage about this!!

If anyone has any similar stories or could help I would be very grateful

xxx

ahh hun thats really harsh!

At the end of the day its your body, your the one who has to live in it and look at it every day. Its not fair for him to be so pushy, he doesn’t own your body and he should be supportive that your not happy the way you are.

Maybe he’s trying to make sure that your completely sure this is something you want to do but ultimately you already know why you want it done and dont need an expensive counsellor looking for bigger issues!

If he’s the jealous type them maybe hes worried that a new look would mean you get more attention and he cant handle it… maybe he should see the Counsellor to find out why he cant be supportive!

Good luck with it lovely, I would suggest maybe taking him along to your consultations. x

Thank you beaut, that’s a really good idea tbf…I might suggest it to him! Don’t think he realises that it probably won’t make that much difference to him cause I don’t want massive ones but he seems to think I’m a nutcase or something! I don’t want to ruin a good relationship but I want my BA doing and I’ve waited years for it!!

Thank you though chick

x

It maybe worth you showing some pics of what you’d like to achieve. My boyf responded really well to that. He may see that its not a glamour look your after but more of a feminin shape x

The problem that I’ve got is that he point blank just doesn’t want to talk about it which is hard cause it’s all I’m thinking about!! Have you already had your BA Hun? What did your boyfriend think?

x

Hi Nat, ive hated the way i look for years i went to the doctors and they recommended i see a councellor about it, so i fout ok no harm!

i went for about 6 weeks and found it didnt really help me much, the woman made me feel like i couldnt really be honest and she basically said look try do things to take ur mind off it, what do u enjoy doin etc, i wa like erm i did dance and drama at school and enjoyed them? n she said well join a local drama class…..erm no!lol

only thing she managed to make me think is that i dont need it because there is something wrong with me, its something i want if that makes sence?

I just knew that the only thing that would make me happy was to have the surgery, you can talk to loads of people and they might cheer you up but its not something thats gunna change the way you feel, thats how i felt anyway. x

oh and when you say could take years- after id seen the counsellor i went back to my doctors and told them (hoping they mite offer 1 on the nhs) but all they said was i could be put on a waiting list to speak to a psycologist (cnt spell lol) and i said ok then but how long do i have to wait- up to a year just to speak to some-one else!!! i left the doctors in tears !! x

Hi Huni, it sounds like you’re going through a tough time. When you speak to the patient co-ordinators at Mya, they ask you about your reasons for wanting a BA. Its really makes you think about it as explaining to a stranger why you want to change your body is actually quite hard.

Does you boyfriend know much about councillors? Unfortunately all a councillors will do is have you talk a LOT, they will listen and to help you to organise your thoughs and feelings. They will not help you to make a decision as they are not there to give advice.

I think by discussing this on this website shows that you are certain its what you want.

Laura, it may not be something that you need physically, but for me its something that I need to feel more confident. It wont damage you physically to go without but if its causing you to be down, self conscious or unhappy then your quality of life (or for some, mental health) is reduced.

On the other hand, if this is the start to a long line of ops you are planning then he might be right.

My parents were fine with my decision because I had saved all the money myself over 3 years, so had plenty of time to think about it. I’m booked in a week on monday and very excited!!

What size are you huni and how old are you? Maybe a contributing factor to what your boyfriend is talking about… xxxxx

I know this is what I’m thinking…I want a BA to make me feel happier and better about myself, not because I’m depressed or anything nut just because it’s one area that I’ve always wanted bigger so why not!

I’m not too sure what my boyfriend thinks I’m going to achieve by speaking to someone cause I’ve wanted it for ages and it’s only now that I have the money that I’ve decided I’m ready.

Argh!!! Men!!

Thank you though girlies

x

I need it to feel confident too ive felt bad for over 6 years, its caused problems with bfs (i wont show them) my 1st bf who i was with for 4years i wouldnt get undressed infront of him or enything, and ive been with my current bf for 2years and im still the same.

at 1 point i wuldnt even go swimming so yeah i do need it in the sence to feel confident about myself but i mean as in like there isnt anything physically wrong but i want it to make myself feel better x

I’m a size 8-10 and a 32b but quite empty…only want to go up to about a D and my biggest fear is actually that I’m going to be too big if anything! It’s not that I want it on the NHS and I’ve already saved about £1000 for it so far. I just don’t think he understands that all women have issues and by having a BA all it’s for is to male me feel more confident. And I’m in the fortunate position that I live with my parents so I can save up…although haven’t told them yet as they are very anti-surgery (an added stress to worry about!)

Has anyone else had someone close to them say that they didn’t want them to have it done?

x

I definately think he’s got a big case of jealousy there. If he was just being nice and making sure it really was what you wanted then he’d be much more supportive about it and would be happy to speak you about it rather than flying off the handle everytime you mention it. If it actually was because you have deep seated issues with confidence or your body then he’s not being very nice by shouting at you every time you try to talk about it! He 100% is just trying to delay you getting it because he feels threatened that you’re going to change or start getting more attention from other men. My boyfriend was worried at first because he thought I’d start wearing slutty tops and getting them out all the time! Men are such funny creatures, they seem to think your whole personality is going um hange just because you’ve got bigger boobies! Why dies there need to be an underlying issue to why you want them done? What’s wrong with, I have small boobs, I want bigger ones! I say don’t give in to him so easyily hun, tell him it’s what you’re doing and you’d appreciate him being a bit more supportive! Xx

i had a go at my bf other day he really upset me- in the beginning he was all supportive etc then when id been for a consultation he started coming out with oh ul leave me when u get boobs etc, n i reasured him i was doin it for me and so i could be more confident with him, and everytime i came on here i got “oh u looking at mya AGAIN!!” so i said look im sure if you was going to be having an op done you would want to kno as much info as you could! just feels like i cant talk to you cause i bore you with it or something, and he said how can u say that when i took you to the clinic etc and ive been there for you and took an interest, so i said ok then if you taken im interest and been there for me answer some simple questions that you should know…

whos my surgeon? what size am i now? what size do i want to be? and what size was i offered?

..he got 1 question right and i was really upset with him so since then he has promised to take more of an interest and be more understanding lol! x

Lol, that’s what my boyfriend is like about everything…although I do get so excited that I obsess!! At least it’s not just mine I guess! I reckon he thinks I’ll instantly be a glamour model or something!! x

Got to say, my hubby said to me; first lipo on your chin, now a boob job, what is next?

He is more worried that I am going to become more like one of these people who get hooked on cosmetic surgery lol!

Maybe you should just reassure him that you don’t want to look like Barbie!!

I haven’t had my BA yet so can’t tell you what the reaction will be like when its done but know that people who love you will of course be worried but ultimatly they will want you to be happy! Put yourself first. You need compromise in any relationship but he should not be dictating to you what you do with your body. Talk about it and find out what his real concerns are xx

Thanks girlies, I feel lots better now! just don’t want to be selfish and say well I’m getting it so you can deal with it! Lol. But I’m hoping that if he loves me then it won’t change anything, except for my happiness x

Hey nat, I sort of know what you are going through. Luckily my boyfriend is really supportive and even helping me pay for it, my mum on the other hand is sooooo against it! She can’t imagine why I want it done, can’t believe that it’s something I really want cos why haven’t I mentioned it before and trying to use scare tactics to stop me going ahead with it, oh and not forgetting encouraging me to tell my dad cos she thinks he will be able to talk me out of if, either by the same ways she is using or refusing to be my personal bank in future whenever I need a bit of extra cash! Lol.

I tried to explain my reasons like I am noticeably asymmetrical and want to be evened out (even Mr Traynor looked shocked! Lol) at 34a/b my boobs are very small for my size 12 body with broad shoulders and wide hips and the implants make me look far more in proportion. She says big boobs just make you feel fatter cos she has them and hates them. I dont wanna go Jordan style, just a full DD cup. Basically I just hate my boobs, and although I do make jokes sometimes why would I constantly wanna talk about a part of my body I hate? I know she is just worried and I think she is a bit upset that I’m only just talking to her about it but it is something I definitely want. Think she is also worried that I’m expecting too much cos I have always had low self esteem and maybe she thinks I think this will solve all that. I dont and I actually feel better now about my body than I have in years after getting down from a large size 14 to a 10-12.

In the end I chickened out and said I’d changed my mind cos I just wanted time to figure it all out for myself and get my research done and now I’m more sure than ever. Think I might tell her again when it’s booked.

Have you tried writing a letter to your man nat? I know it sounds lame but that way you can take your time and say everything you want to say without either of you getting upset? Just an idea. Anyway sorry for the essay lol x x

That’s a good essay!! I’m glad someone elses mom is like that…last tar she saw that I had looked at BA sites ad she started crying saying how my nan would be so disappointed and that why do I hate the body she made for me….so although I don’t want to disappoint her I just find that ridiculous!! I have been thinking of writing a letter to my mom just because I don’t want her to make me feel really really bad about letting her down. But I never thought about it with my boyf…might just do that! At least I’d be able to get my point across without him Interrupting!

When are you looking at having yours done beaut?

xxx

just wanna say amy well done for loosing weight!! bet ur chuffed with urself

I cant say im in the same situation as my mums been great about it but there again shes always known ive been bothered about my boobs (had counselling etc) but i think if youve explained ur reasons for wanting it then thats all u can do im sure she will come round to it eventually shes probs just shocked if youve not mentioned it to her before maybe? also and alot of people have said the same thing its always the people who have boobs already that are judgmental and against it probs cause they dont understand as they already have them! x

Ouch, i do hate the disappointed face/talk, it’s worse than being shouted at! I still dread it now and I’m 27!! Omg I hate that, was only my birthday the other day and just having a 7 there instead of a 6 makes me feel so old!! First time I’ve written it down lol. I still haven’t told my dad yet, might just wait til it’s booked then tell my stepmum and hope she’ll do it for me ha. Hoping to get mine done in the next 6 months hun, just gotta get the money together cos I don’t wanna do it on finance. How about you? X x

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