really wish id never had my ba :-(

Had my ba last tues. Ive been in so much pain, which I cant understand, as no one else seems to be . Ive bin lookin forward to this for 12 yrs, with so much planning n thought with regards to child care, home help etc. Me n my best friend (my brothers gf) planned the first week to a tee! She wud have my kids tues wed n thurs nite, then one child per nite until I felt better. She was also goin to cook a meal each day n drop it to me wen she came to get kids clothes etc.well shes done bugger all of that n has left me to struggle alone! I cant cook, wash up, wash clothes or anythin. One of my kids is special needs and I cant even change his bed wen he wets it! I feel like such a bad selfish mum for havin this op n I feel like ive disregarded my kids needs. Im so angry with my friend rite now, if I cud lift my arms id punch her in the face! but the reason im more ****** off is she has this condition that makes her have several fits a day, n for 10 weeks straight, everyday ive looked after her n my niece. Ive bin called in to pick her up ftom work, look after my niece, go shoppin for her, do housework etc. N now shes better I thought shed at least return the favour for a week, mayb 2. But she had my kids one nite n done nothin since. She was supposed to come round last nite n cook tea for my kids, but I got a text last min sayin she was goin out for a meal with my brother as she has bin stuck in for ages ill, n she wants to celebrate goin out again. Im so upset. I no I chose to have my op, but she pushed me into it, offerin all this help sayin dont worry bout kids, n she hasnt done any of it. Do I sound out of order, but I think shes bein bloody selfish, after 10 solid weeks of me givin her 24 hr, she cant even give me a week. Sorry to moan. I dont do well with pain. N to top it off the skin between my boobs is still swollen, while the rest isnt. N its raised off my chest wall. Is this normal, cos im worryin everytime I do summat I get a psinful rippin feelin, n im worried its symmastia. Xxx

wat a ***** id be peed off to thats bang out of order for her to say shes going to help u out and then doesnt do it would be different if like she offered to babysit 1 night wile u went out but with her planning all this with u after having an op then not doing naff all havnt u got any family that can help u out maybe shes jelous of u now coz u have had them done i dont thing ur out of order for being upset id be the same xx

Well honey,in my opinion you have a right to be upset,you have been let down badly by the people you thought would give you and your children support,you have not been selfish towards the children at all,if you had been given the support as promised you would have been fine,what you have got to do now,and I know its difficult when your on your own,is concentrate on the healing,believe it or not you will all get through this, do the bare minimum to get by,you can soon sort the housework out when you are fit and well,god I wish I lived near you Id be there in a shot,is there no one you can call on to change the little ones bed.Give the nurse a call re the swelling between your boobs honey,Im sure you have nothing to worry about but calling the nurse will at least put one worry out of you mind,you need to call your friend and tell her you need her help urgently,you cant do this on your own.Tell her just to help with the children everything else can wait,so sorry you have been let down honey,at a time when you needed support more than ever,big hugs lovely.xxx

Omg hun dnt feel like a bad mom at all!!! uve got a child with special needs and i’m sure have done a fantastic job, u deserve this cuz uve waited 12 yrs for it, and if this is the only thing uve done for urself in 12 yrs how can u have disregarded ur kids needs? sometimes u need to put urself first and that girl sounds like a right cow just leaving everything for u to do, if ur worried about ur boobies give mya a ring just in case xx

I agree with the girls above. This girl appears to be a right *****!! One thing that really grates me is when someone gives you their word and then fails to deliver. Please dont feel like you’ve let your kiddies down. I know how hard and time consuming it is having a child with special needs. Every Waking minute revolves around them, one of the things i was looking forward to after my BA was just sitting down for a few days and not worrying about my son. A little bit of ME time would do wonders for your recovery. I’d ring the selfish cow up and tell her you need her help now. Tell her your struggling because she didn’t stick to her word.

Don’t worry about raising your arms to punch her in the face, if she wont help kick her in the shin. That might make you feel a little bit better

The skin between my boobs felt raised an squishy for a couple of weeks, its fine now but if your worried give the nurse a ring. Hope you get some help soon. X

Ur not out of order atal that’s soo selfish of her can’t believe that! Even though ur a mother u still have to do things to make urself happy n content as a woman!!

doesn’t mean uv disregarded ur kids atal coz she said she’d help n like u sed she pushed u 2 do it,

does ur brother know?!

Mine was swollen just at the chest in the middle get a cold compress on it it helps loads! The pain when u do something is normal although u should try to do less don’t push urself if it hurts coz I think that will make u hurt for longer?xx

hun, i know just how u feel. had a friend that i used to look after as she had sickle cell. i used to go shopping for her, leave work if she needed me, let her borrow my car, come to the hospital and i even stayed in all day with her while i was 8 months pregnant and one day when i asked for the £5 she had borrowed of me all **** broke lose. as i was unable to take her shopping on my daughter’s 11th birthday, she told me i wasn’t any kind of friend. i’m better off with out her and hun so r u. i know it’s easier said then done, but just try and take ur time. remember u did the op for you and no one else, she’s the one that’s missed out on ur friendship not you.

Oh Kerry you poor girl. Please dont think youre the only one with pain and everyone else sails through it. Im 2 weeks PO and still struggling. It gets depressing to read the threads where people say “I had hardly any pain” They are either lying or have found amazing drugs noone bothered to tell me about!! It has got easier this week so hang in there.

Its such a shame that you have been let down so badly but please dont beat yourself up about your kids. They wont blame you and you are obviously such a good mum or you wouldnt be worrying about them. Just take a little time for yourself and do only what you absolutely have to. No piont in regretting what you have done, your kids will benefit from having a lovely, confident mum once you are healed and feeling better.

What part of the country do you live in? Would be happy to come and help if you are anywhere near. Lxx

I suppose the best thing I can say is that in time this will pass. The pain will subside and the sleeplessness and inability to function all all be over soon and you will be yourself again and doing everything the way you did for your chdren. You will also like your boobs and be a happier mummy. Try not to feel badly towards your friend. That will only stress you out more. She just being insensitive and clearly doesn’t know how much you need the help. Otherwise you cd try telling her what you’re feeling then maybe she will realise how helpless you are at this moment. If this isn’t an option is there someone else you can enlist for some support? It will get better. I struggled a lot with pain, discomfort, sleeplessness. I have 4 kids and my hub was useless. I got thru it tho and out the other side. It’ll get better I promise xxx

That’s awful hun!! In my opinion, she doesn’t deserve to call herself your friend…you deserve so much more than that!!

Keep your chin up It’ll be worth it in the long run!

I know how you feel with your kids…I know that I’m going to struggle when I’ve had my BA, cause my son is a mummy’s boy!lol!

Don’t know how I’m going to tell him I can pick him up and stuff!

xxx

Where do you live hun ,, one if us must be near you to help for an hour a day?? I will if you are near!!

This women is not worth your time anymore please don’t ever help her again she is selfish and uncaring!!

Think positive hun and we are all here and you would think that your brother would help you x

Omg she’s a **** y say shell help u out with small children n dinners after all u done for her well u no the saying of karma let’s hope she gets hers. As Tina said do the bare minimum rest up then when u feeling better ave a blitz of the house. I have always thought u relay on ureself and stories like this just confirm it hope u feeling better soon hun. Just think of ure lovely boobs she’s just jel babe tell her to be reem ;)x x x

Do not under any circumstances regret what you have done hun, it’s probably the only thing you have done for yourself ever…… I will help out if you’re near me…. I’d also drop her as a friend, what about your brother?

Hiya hun if in any pain give your nurse or the emergency number a ring, I was the same as you after my BA and went a week before seeing anyone, in the end it turned out I had an infection and was given antibiotics and stronger painkillers. I too regreted it and thought it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I am now 5 weeks 2 days po and can say I am now happy I had it done. Once the pain eases and you will feel better about it. But seriously any doubts about pain/swelling etc ring as the sooner they can sort any problems the better for you. Hope you feel better soon xx

She sounds like she is being extremely self obsessed and disregarding your needs completely.

What I would do though is ring her up and say to her “Im not coping, the kids are suffering and you promised to help. I really need you”

Sometimes people dont realise how selfish they are being and will be mortified into action once they hear those short sharp shocking words.

Xxx

Kerry i was in a lot of pain also. Its awful isnt it? But it does get better x x

So sorry to hear of your situation. I know it has all been said by the previous posts but things will get better and this will make you a stronger person as a result. Kids are resiliant, they are fine and a few extra take away meals while you are recovering is not going to harm them. You need to take this time to recover and you will come out the other end Super mum with a great set of boobs. As for your friend (and i use that term very loosly) what goes around comes around and her time is coming.

Hello all u lovely ladies. Thank u soooo much for all yr support! Im feelin so much better today, still in a bit of pain, but its not constant and only wen I move. Ive still not had any support but ive made tidyin into a game wiv the kids so theyve helped a bit. It jyst stresses me out as im quite a neat freak, n theres mess everywhere! Ive only bin doin the necessary and leavin the rest. Least ill enjoy tidyin it wen im better! Lol. Thanx so much to u ladies that offered to help, unfortunately u all live too far as for my friend, as she was my only one, ive not seen her, so im back to bein billy no mates but least im on the mend! N my boobs r lookin bloody fab if I do say so myself once again, thank u ladies… This forum is a god send xxx

Well done kerry keep ure chin high. N ure boobs even higher x x x

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