To tell or not to tell???

Some of you ladies may be aware I have had real problems with my family accepting my decision to have a BA. I told my mum i was looking into it in January and she was soooooo against it. She tried to reason with me, scare me, blackmail me, the works! lol. In the end she said wait at least 6 months to make sure i definitely wanted it. 6 months came and went and I said I was still looking into it and asked her if she would come to a consultation with me and see what its all about and then she can ask any questions she has too. She flatly refused and said she wants absolutely nothing to do with it! Have to say that hurt a bit.

Despite all this though she said im not allowed to book it without telling her and i have to tell my dad first or she will (blackmail part and they are divorced) Its been 10 months of lots of research and lots of thought and this is definitely what i want so its booked for 13th October with Mr Traynor at Preston First Trust. Now the question is do i tell before or after??

I said when i booked it i would tell my mum in a few weeks and then its less time to get grief, but now its less than a month away and i dont know if i can face it! She has been so unsupportive of my decision and at times quite hurtful. I know its only because she loves me and she worries but i want this to be a good experience not a stressful one. That said i dont wanna go through it without my mum. AAArrrrggghhh i dont know what to do! Luckily enough my boyfriend and the friends I have told have all been great so i have got alot of support, just not quite the same as having your mum there. Sorry for ranting xx

Aww I total know how you feel hun!!! I told my mum in may that I had been thinking bout it since last yr and been looking into it and was going to have a consultation and she was not impressed!! My mum doesn’t live near me and since I last saw her in July I have had a Consultation with Mario and I defiantly want to go ahead and I’m booking for December.

I don’t know if I should tell her or not, my boyfriend said not too if she’s just going to be negative and unsupportive but I am close to my mum and not talking to her about this and sharing it with her is driving me mad, but at the same Time I’m scary as I don’t want to argue with her.

Like u my boyfriend and friends have been really supportive and I just want my mum to be the same xx

Aw Amy I’m sorry to hear how unsupportive your mum’s been. I was so nervous about telling mine, I told her 5 weeks before but she was great about it, I think she was more excited than me on the day! I don’t really know what to say about whether you should tell her or not. I guess now it’s booked and paid for she’ll know you’re definitely doing it and will maybe come round x

Its rubbish isnt it amy! I was debating telling her and calling her bluff about my dad, saves me a job!! haha. At first my boyfriend said dont tell them if i dont want, im an adult and its my choice, but now he thinks i should. Just trying to figure out which reaction would be worse, telling them first or waiting till its done! My mum doesnt live near me either and i havent seen her since June but i am close to her too and i hate not telling her but i also hate her opinion on the subject. Its all so confusing! Do you have any family you could tell who would be supportive and could help bring your mum round? My mum has told my stepdad and brother and they are both against it too. Usually I would speak to my sister on my dads side but she is 8 months pregnant and I dont think its fair to put that pressure on her.

Belle you are so lucky to have a supportive family, wish I did. Maybe if I tell her its booked she will just have to accept it and come round?! xx

As your boyf said, you’re an adult now and this hasn’t been a decision made on a whim. You’ve done the research and have come to an educated decision. To be honest, I would probably just go ahead with the op and tell her when it’s done. If you tell her it’s booked, she might well try to change your mind using more childish techniques. Frankly you need to tell her that her behaviour is childish and won’t wash with you. It’s your life, go live it! x

Hey my little buddy!!

i was sooo nervous about telling my mam. I knew my step dad would be great! However my mam always said that people who got boob jobs needed their heads testing and that they are pure vain.

So u can imagine how nervous i was. Anyway i waited around six weeks before myop and text her, telling her, i put in my message that i know she wouldnt be happy but to try and support me as it meant so much to me.

She text back saying thats brilliant news im so proud.

She came to see my pc julie, who was fab and put my mams mind at ease. She then came to meet the traynorator for my six week check and was very pleased with him and how humble he was at getting a thank u card off me!!

i hope whatever u decide hun works out for u xxx

Nobody can tell you what to do hun. I only told my parents the day before my op because I didn’t think they would approve. They didn’t speak to me for at least 2 weeks after. I’m nearly 4 weeks post op now and we are fine again now but I felt totally unsupported and hurt by them and they felt hurt that I didn’t tell them or ask for their help.

I felt they would be negative and try to talk me out of it so I didn’t tell them until it was too late for them to do anything about it but I also paid the price for that as I was pretty much on my own with my 2 kids after. They felt hurt so they never even called to ask if I was ok let alone offer to help. I stupidly thought they would come round and it would all be ok which it was in the end but in the mean time I felt pretty alone as hubby was working all the time and I had to just get on with it.

In hind sight I wish I had told them and given them the opportunity to support me but everyone is different you have to do what you think is right for you hun. I am sure in time they will come round they love you and wasn’t the best for you it’s also very hard for someone who isn’t in the same position to understand why you would want to do it.

I hope it all works ot for you hun xx

Aah laurakate and faye, both very good arguments! Ive got my pre-op on tuesday, think maybe I should tell my mum after that, then it gives her 3 weeks to get used to it. Not entirley sure about my dad as he has just lent me rather a large amount to pay off my credit card and he is gonna do his nut! My boyfriend is paying for most of this but he will still go mad. Aarrgghh why do relationships with parents have to be so complicated!! I think i will take both of your advice though. Faye i will tell her cos ultimately i think you’re right, my mum would be far more hurt and upset if i dont tell her, but also Laurakate i am going to tell her that we will have one conversation about it and unless anything else she wants to talk about is genuine questions and/or supportive then I dont want to hear it and thats the end of it! xx

hey fairy chick, thanks hun, thats great your mum was so supportive, must have been such a relief. Im hoping that when my mum sees im serious she will come round, if not then im still doing it anyway! lol. Ooh guess what, appplication for you know what has been sent! eek xxx

sorry to hear this if it was me id tell..you done what she asked and waited so she should atleast be greatfull for that if you dont tell it will just accumulate to a HUGE stess for you if u wait till after and will be worse in the long run i think, if u jst bit the bullet and do it you will have greif but atleast theres no lies. i dont hink any mum would be happy about their daughter doing this, im a mum ( 2 boys mind u) but would hate the thought of them doing this and i would try and talk them out of it aswell (haha im going in for my op in 4wks btw lol) but its jst a mums job to protect u, and i can see why they would be horrified at the thought of this op…but at the end of the day i would be there for my children and i would support them. Ur mum said she doesnt want anything to do with it but dnt cut ur nose to spite ur face and not tell her, it will cause alot of hurt and if anything does go wrong u need ur mammy… i think shes reacting like this because if she was supportive and helped you then something did go wrong she would need to live with that guilt of not stopping you, its jst her way of being a good mum xxxx

Negatives.

Why mums do this girls,you are beautiful,your mothers daughter,her biggest fear is you going in to a situation that has risks,a situation where she can not control the outcome,the devastation it will cause to your life if things go wrong,she is your mother she thinks by been Negative this will deter you, then she will not have to worry about the outcome,she is looking at this as an operation you do not need.

Positives.

How good you will look and feel when this is done,she will not have to worry about the outcome because you look and feel amazing,she has been spared the worry of things that could go wrong,because nothing did,you have your boobs she is stress free.

If you have lots of support around you why rock the boat at a time when emotions are running high with excitement nerves you will be experiencing your self.I know you love your mothers girls but they love you too.Tough decision.

My friend was in a similar situation,half my age,all her family were against it,she went a head with the surgery and told her mum,a week later.Her mum confided in me that she was glad she had’nt told her as she would have gone to pieces over the GA,and done her utmost to stop her,she now sees the difference this has made,and they are closer than ever,in fact she tells everyone her daughter had a BA,LOL.XX

You know what clarebear that is exactly what she said to me, that if she didnt try and talk me out of it and something went wrong she would never forgive herself! I know why she is doing/saying what she is, I just dont like the way she is going about it! Who are you having your op with and what sizes? xxx

Tina you are once again right! lol. You have however put a little nugget of doubt in my mind about telling her though, oops. Im gonna be strong and do it, if only to stop posting on here to ask advice again when i keep changing my mind lol xxx

Look hun, I know exactly where you coming from, when I told my mum I was getting my nose done she said, “oh but theres nothing wrong with it, it’s small” HA!!! it’s not small believe me and I walked into a door in June so it was even bigger than it was previously. anyway, then she said, don’t come to me when some thing goes wrong, hun! I am a grown woman and she’s still saying these things to me.

But as an adult, I do what I want, as long as I’m not hurting anyone it’s my decision. Tell her, don’t tell her, either way, your getting it done, I don’t know what her reaction will be, but in my experience once you let something let this out it will be like a weight has been lifted as your probably feeling quite anxious now.

Good luck my lovely xxx

Yeh I can see her point totally, jst a bummer bein on ur end of it coz u dnt want to hurt her but this is somethin u have to do for u,i think once u get to a point theres no going back lol!id defo tell her tho, it would maybe put a huge wedge inbetween u that u might regret forever,it could cause trust issues n stuff…jst let her kno u apperciate her concern and understand why shes so against it but youve made ur decision and have booked the op and u hope after it she see’s why u wanted to do it. Im gettings 345 unders from a 32a babe..i shopped around alot seen a few diff surgeons and decided to go with ben chew in ggow,he seems really great whens ur op again and what u getting?xx.

I will do it before just because if I wait till after think she’ll be really hurt, plus god for bid anything does go wrong, but if it did be hard to explain it!!

No I don’t really see my dad and my sister altho I see her I don’t think she would understand as we r so different.

I hope you can be brave and tell her hunni think we’ll both feel better once we have! xx

[Author]

Posts